


Totally Detectives!

by GalacticDefender4679



Category: Totally Spies
Genre: Detectives, F/M, Murder Mystery, Vigilante
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:47:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22727140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalacticDefender4679/pseuds/GalacticDefender4679
Summary: It’s almost impossible to believe, but it’s true; WOOHP agents across the world have been killed… and Jerry is worried the girls from Malibu might be next, so he’s calling in a favor he’d hoped never have to call in: a millionaire private eye.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	1. The Call

_Los Angeles, California – 04:27 PM_

There are plenty of people in the world who brag about being able to save the world; law-enforcement agencies, militaries, governments, even masked vigilantes. But in reality, there’s only one company that _consistently_ saves the world these days: the World Organization Of Human Protection also known as WOOHP.

But sometimes even the pros can’t do everything themselves, and they need to branch out. Including to the resident of a magnificent hacienda on the Pacific Coast, currently resting by the fire in his parlor with a book… when the intercom toned. “ _Excuse me sir, but there is a call for you on line 2._ ”

This man sighed as he closed the book and pressed the button on the intercom. “I’ll take it in the parlor.” It didn’t take too long for the old-fashioned phone in the lounge to start ringing before this man simply picked up. “Rafael Vega.”

“ _It’s me._ ” Rafael knew that British-accented voice anywhere; Jerry Lewis, director of WOOHP. And Rafael was not friends with him, so obviously he moved to hang up. “ _I’m cashing in my favor._ ”

Rafael was always serious about favors others owed to him and favors he owed others. So if Jerry was cashing his in now, then Rafael was more than willing to listen. “You have my undivided attention.”

“ _Someone’s killing my agents. Whoever’s doing it, I want them found._ ” Rafael was reasonably surprised by this news; WOOHP agents had the best training, equipment, and abilities of anyone in the world. He would know; he used to be one before he went solo. “ _I’m sure you remember this, but in seven years, I’ve never bothered you; never asked you for a thing._ ”

Rafael just rolled his eyes. “I assume you’ll be wanting me to bring your ‘star-team’ along with me on this job?”

“ _If you wouldn’t mind._ ”

Jerry always was a bit condescending sometimes; one of the main reasons why Rafael left WOOHP. “How are you fixed for payment?”

“ _One hundred thousand._ ” Rafael was surprised by that; his usual rate for multiple murder was only _twenty_ -thousand, so Jerry must’ve been really serious about this. “ _20 in advance, the other 80 upon completion of the case._ ” Okay, _now_ it made more sense.

Then he glanced out his parlor window and smiled at what he saw. “And shall I presume you have the advance payment with you in that car outside my house right now?”

“ _You always were sharp, Rafael._ ”

“As you can see, it pays very well. I’ll meet the girls in town when you undoubtedly shoot them out here in the most convoluted way possible, and offer them a home for the duration of the mission. Adios.” He hung up the phone and quickly pressed the button on the intercom. “Marisol, there’s a car outside with my advance payment for another case. Can you get that for me? And then uh, inform Bernard and the rest of the staff that we’ll be having three guests soon.”

“ _Yes, sir._ ” This would be one caper Rafael would not soon forget.


	2. The Mission

_Malibu University – 10:35 AM_

Mali-U; hard to believe a trio of expert crime-fighting spies are still students here, but it _is_ the perfect cover. At least, that’s what Jerry said. Still, you couldn’t argue with their skills after all their missions.

“You can’t be serious.” This was one of the agents themselves; Alexandra Casoy, a bit of a ditzy Latina but she’s still tough as nails and incredibly athletic which helped her spy-work.

“I’m not doing it right this second Alex, I’m just keeping it open as an option.” That was her partner; ever-pragmatic Samantha Simpson, red hair down to her shoulders as usual.

“Well, close it right this second Sammy, cause WOOHP has been the best thing to happen to us in _history_.” Good old Clover Ewing: best example of a clichéd teenage LA girl anyone could think of.

“Not for my bank account, it’s not.” Sam wasn’t wrong; fun and rewarding though spy-work may have been, it offered very little payment for the agents. “You have to agree, we could all do with a little extra dough.”

“I really don’t think that’s necessary.” The team would recognize that annoying voice anywhere; their rival since high-school Mandy. “You’re doughy enough as it is, Sam.”

Clover looked ready to explode, but Sam just smirked. “Is that really the best you can come up with? You’ve gotten rusty, Mandy.”

“Says the girl with just some rusted-out pocket change in her wallet.” With that, she walked away with her classic annoying laugh.

Clover growled after her but just chuckled after a minute. “See, _this_ is why WOOHP is the place to be. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to use our gadgets to mess with Mandy.”

Sam sighed. “No Clover. Much as it hurts my soul to admit it, Mandy’s right.” And her face fell as she saw her friends’ sour expressions. “She just recorded me saying that, didn’t she?”

“Yup. Thanks for the new ringtone, loser.” Mandy laughed and walked away again.

Sam looked at Clover with a neutral expression on her face. “You still have a pomade-grenade from our last mission?”

Clover just smiled as she handed Sam the gadget itself. “Care to do the honors?” Sam smiled and pulled the pin, rolling the grenade right over to Mandy, letting it explode right next to her and knocking her phone from her hand.

Once it was on the ground, Sam zipped over and picked it up. “Hey, don’t even think about it loser; it’s password-protected.”

It took Sam half a second to guess the correct passcode; Mandy’s three sizes. “It’s a cellphone Mandy, not Fort Knox.” She would know; she and the girls broke into Fort Knox once. And with a few more button-presses, the recording was gone. “Much obliged; there will be no encores.” With that, she walked back to her table and high-fived her friends, who laughed as they left the grounds for a walk.

“Satisfying, isn’t it?” asked Clover.

“Absolutely.” However, it was at that exact moment that the ground fell out from beneath them, sending them screaming down a tunnel. “And the moment’s ruined!”

At the end of the tunnel, the girls were loaded into a torpedo which shot them across the bay area to an underground building where they were ejected out into a couch… with their boss Jerry Lewis waiting for them. “Enjoy the voyage, ladies?”

Sam just stood up and stretched. “Oh sure, nothing like getting shot to work in a high-yield weapon.”

“Well, I’m afraid this won’t be the last high-yield weapon you’ll be dealing with, girls,” Jerry said grimly. “And this won’t be one of your standard missions.”

This concerned the girls as they all adjusted themselves to sit on the couch. “Why? What’s going on?” Alex asked.

Jerry brought up a grid of images of other agents, all positioned all over the world. “Over the last few weeks, WOOHP agents from around the world have been turning up dead.” This frightened all the agents beyond words. “We don’t know who's doing it or how yet, and it’s your job to find out the answers to those questions and bring the killer into custody.”

“Uh, and why exactly should we put our lives on the line against a serial killer?” Clover’s question was well-warranted, but Sam and Alex weren’t sure they’d like the answer.

“Well, besides the fact that it’s your job to go up against _any_ criminal, it's because the dead agents weren’t just crimes of passion, they were all carrying valuable intelligence that could tear the entire organization down,” Jerry explained. “And based on the pattern of victims and stolen intel, WOOHP has reason to believe that these are the next victims.” Then he brought up images of two painfully familiar fellow agents from the Australia department; Britney and Blaine.

Clover was instantly devoted. “No one touches Blaine!”

Alex too. “Agreed! Britney will _not_ be harmed.”

Jerry smiled. “That’s what I like to hear, ladies. Now then, I’m afraid I don’t have any gadgets for you for this mission.” This surprised the girls.

“No gadgets? How do you expect us to take down a serial killer without our gadgets?” Sam was right; without their weapons, they were walking targets.

“Settle down, Sam. You have gadgets, I just don’t have them _here_.” Jerry explained. “I took the liberty of having Dean take them ahead to the home of your partner for this mission.”

“Partner?” asked Sam. “Oh no. _Please_ don’t tell me we’re working with Martin Mystery again.”

“Unfortunately not.” Unfortunately for you Jerry, but relieving for Sam. “No, I’m afraid Martin’s on a mission of his own. Something about some sort of beast in the Navajo Nation or something like that. This time, you’re working with a _former_ agent working in Los Angeles.”

“Former agent? Uh, I thought you, y’know, don’t work with anyone outside the agency.” Clover brought up.

“Normally I wouldn’t but in this case, I’m willing to make an exception. Mostly because he owes me a favor.” Jerry shrugged. “Now then, while I _did_ say I sent your WOOHP tech ahead to his abode, he’ll also provide you with anything else you may need. Ta-ta!” With that, he pressed a button and sent them falling down a pipe to a large rocket which shot out of the base and shot the girls down California.

This would be one mission they never forgot.


	3. The Partner

_Vega Hacienda, California – 10:42 AM_

As expected of such a large hacienda, Rafael’s had a large pool behind the main courtyard, which he was currently lounging next to as he read the newspaper, an umbrella angled over him as if to catch something. And it soon became clear what that something was when Rafael heard a large engine above him and saw a rocket… which swiftly dropped three screaming masses down toward the pool, each swiftly splashing down and causing a large wave that splashed all over the umbrella, leaving Rafael unscathed.

As predicted, the masses were Sam, Alex, and Clover – now in their spy jumpsuits – each of whom dragged themselves out on the side of the pool and groaned. “Just when I think Jerry can’t possibly come up with a more ridiculous way to send us anywhere, he outdoes himself in the most insane way possible,” Clover remarked.

“Yeah, he’s a nut alright.” The girls were all surprised by this Mexican accent until they looked behind them and saw Rafael, still holding his newspaper. Without even batting an eye, he snapped his fingers and a Latina woman came from the house with a small pile of three towels, each of which she handed to the girls, who were more than a bit disturbed. “This is Marisol; she works for me, making sure guests are well looked-after and keeping the house in order.”

And when the girls looked up at the house itself, they were more than impressed; the hacienda was magnificent, like something straight out of a movie. “Whoa. Man, how rich are you?” Alex asked, genuinely curious.

“Well, admittedly nowhere near as rich as any of the ‘Power 4’, but I still do what I can.” Rafael shrugged. “On the subject, I got a call from Kimberly earlier today; she heard you were coming over and told me to say hi for her.”

Clover gasped in awe as she dropped her towel. “No way. You know Kimberly Kelly?”

“Hard not to know someone when you’ve dated them for eight months,” Rafael smirked. “And uh BTDubs Sam, she mentioned that whole private island thing. And speaking as someone with the kinda money for that and more than a fair bit of brains, I have to say… that is really shallow.”

Sam blushed a bit as the other two chuckled before she stood and looked at the mystery man. “It was a spur of the moment thing and I wasn’t thinking clearly. Look, who are you anyway?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” He simply stood and placed his newspaper on the side table, revealing his roguish face; light brown skin on a square-jawed face, perfectly framed by princely black hair, a thin pencil mustache, and small soul-patch goatee, all pointing to his burning green eyes and wrapped in a luxurious blue suit. “Allow me to introduce myself: I am Rafael Vega; millionaire, socialite, and consulting detective assistant to the Los Angeles Policía, at your ever-humble service señoritas.” He bowed regally as he gave this introduction, even going so far as to attempt to kiss Sam’s hand, though she quickly pulled it away as she blushed. Rafael simply chuckled as he stood upright. “My apologies. Mi padre was very strict in matters of etiquette, and – I don’t mind saying – more than a bit old-fashioned.”

“Well, there’s still times for old fashion to be important.” Clover brought up, offering her hand to the handsome detective.

Rafael smirked at her knowingly. “Perhaps, but I doubt _Blaine_ would approve of you trying your luck with another man.”

Now it was Sam’s turn to snicker at Clover, who blushed at that reminder. Finally, Sam calmed down and looked at him tellingly. “So you know why we’re here.”

“Of course; Jerry gave me all the details when he gave me my advance payment.” Rafael nodded. “And Dean just left after having dropped off your gadgets for this mission.” He swiftly raised his hands and gave two quick claps. “Bernard?” On that cue, a man with graying red hair and deep brown skin stepped from the house holding a small tray in his hand which held several familiar gadgets. “Ladies, my manservant Bernard.” He bowed respectfully at this introduction. “You’ll have to excuse his silence; he was born mute.”

“You’re rich enough to have a maid and a butler? Why did Jerry pay you to help us?” Clover’s question was well-warranted.

“Well, an inheritance can only last one so long.” Rafael shrugged, moving to the tray Bernard had brought with him, picking up each gadget in turn. “Now onto the gadgets. For this mission, Jerry has sent you some of your old favorites; the Heat Sensor 6000 Motion Detector Sunglasses, the M-Ray Contact Lenses in aquamarine – beautiful color by the way – the Fingerprint Tracer Gloves, the Microphone Earrings, the Expandable Cable Bungee Belt, and the Feline Streamline Catsuit. I trust you’ll make good use of them while you’re here.”

“Thanks. But Jerry said you would have something else to give us?” Sam asked.

Rafael smiled as he bowed a bit. “I offer merely a place for you to lay your heads in your time here, señoritas. And if you’re interested, I am planning on holding a small fiesta here tonight and I’d be more than happy to have you join as my honored guests.” The girls were all excited at that prospect and simply nodded happily. “Magnifico. Come; I will show you to your rooms.”

With that, he simply led the girls into the hacienda which was magnificently decorated with all manner of Hispanic artifacts. “Wow. Cool nick-nacks.” Alex smiled, moving her finger toward the point of a saber.

“No nick-nacks, Alex; those are real.” That swiftly scared Alex into pulling her hand away from the blade. “Though frankly, I’m not particularly fond of the blades. Took fencing lessons for a while, but I couldn’t handle what sweaty work it was.”

“Hang on a second; where did you get real swords like these?” Sam was right to ask.

“Like I said, I have an inheritance. And these were a part of them.” Rafael explained. “My five-times great-grandfather was a don in the colonial age of Spanish California. A very wealthy and well-respected one at that. Ever since his time, this hacienda and all within its walls have been passed down through the generations.” Finally, the group stopped in a hallway with three doors all along the right wall, each one marked with a piece of paper on the doorknob colored the same as the girls’ jumpsuits. “Here we are; these will be your rooms while you’re here. You’ll find a few outfits in the closets for town and the party tonight. If you need anything, just buzz the intercom and one of the house-staff will be with you in a moment.”

It was just then that Bernard walked to his side and tapped his shoulder, drawing his attention. “Yes, Bernard?” The mute indicated toward the front door and then pointed at his chest, drawing the shape of a badge with his finger. “Fernandez? Alright, I’m on my way.”

“Uh wait, who’s Fernandez?” asked Clover.

“A police sergeant I work with. I trust him with my life, and he trusts me with his career.” Rafael shrugged. “And if you’ll excuse me, I have to go see what he wants. You girls get used to your new rooms; I’ll call if I need you.” With that, he and Bernard left for the front door.

Their absence only made Sam smile as she turned to the others. “Are you girls thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Way ahead of you, Sammy,” Clover smirked as she plugged in and turned on one of the Earring Microphones, tuning it to listen in on Rafael and who she could only guess was Fernandez.

“ _Report crossed my desk. Something about government agents in town?_ ” That comment from Fernandez scared Clover a bit; they were supposed to stay under the radar of local law enforcement.

“ _I didn’t hear about that. I’ll keep my ears open and let you know._ ” Clover sighed; it was nice to know the girls were in such safe hands. “ _By the way, you’re coming to my party tonight, right?_ ”

“ _I dunno, maybe; I might have a shift tonight._ ” That was about the end of the interesting conversation so Clover turned off her mic.

“Well?” asked Sam.

“All fine; he’s just covering for us.” Clover brushed it off. “Now let’s check out our digs.” None of them could argue with that, so they opened the doors to their rooms and walked in… unaware that they were still under the watchful gaze of a mute, who simply nodded to Rafael as he looked at him.


	4. La Fiesta

_Vega Hacienda, California – 07:53 PM_

The party was just getting warmed up when Sam, Alex, and Clover arrived in the courtyard and saw all sorts of movers and shakers from around LA; famed actors and directors, pop stars, local government officials, the works. And to make it even better, the girls looked perfect with magnificent ornate dresses all hand-picked by Rafael. The girls were glad they’d gotten so much experience with the fine art of mingling on several of their other missions, or this would be much more difficult.

They were just wandering around the main courtyard surrounded by legends of the city when Rafael journeyed over. “Ah, ladies. I have some friends here to see you.”

And as it turned out, those friends were the possible next victims. “Blaine!” Clover couldn’t help herself; she had to throw herself at her boyfriend in a hug.

Blaine just chuckled as he accepted this hug and spun her around a bit. “Good to see you too, Clover.” Clover always got lost in Blaine’s eyes when she saw him, but still had time to high-five Brittany as she passed and high-fived Sam and hugged Alex.

“It is so good to see you.” Alex smiled. “But what’re you doing here?”

“We were coming out here for vacation when Jerry called and warned us about what was happening,” Blaine explained.

“Yeah and to be honest, I’m a little nervous.” Brittany shrugged. “I mean, we’ve dealt with pretty serious villains, but agent-killers? Never.”

“Well, don’t worry; I think you’ll be safe here,” Rafael assured. “What lunatic is going to try and attack you in a crowded party like this?” He glanced off to the side and saw something. “Oh uh, excuse me.” With that, he stepped away leaving the spies alone.

“So who is this guy anyway?” Brittany asked. “Before Jerry told us about him, we’ve never heard of him.”

“Neither have we.” Sam shrugged. “Apparently he’s a former WOOHP agent descended from Spanish nobility, but aside from that, we don’t really know much. Still, he seems like a really nice guy.”

Alex had a bad idea as she looked at her friends. “Maybe _he’s_ the killer.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time a former agent turned bad.” Clover pointed out. “Tim Scam much?”

“I doubt it.” Brittany pointed out. “Even if he was just trying to keep appearances, why wouldn’t he just kill you after you checked in with Jerry?”

“Yeah, besides he’s way too much of a nice guy for something like that.” Sam brought up.

“Funny; I remember you saying the same thing after we told you James blew up my car.” Clover was still sore about that; it was a really cool car and she still had payments on it when it blew up.

“Hey, you know that doesn’t count; he was using me. His exact words.” Sam reminded.

“Still, I’d say this merits investigation,” Blaine suggested. “Let’s look around.”

“Look around for what?” That surprised the girls more than a bit as they saw Rafael behind them.

“Oh uh, we were just uh… saying that we should check around the house.” Alex quickly lied. “Make sure everything’s safe.”

“Well, that’s a lovely idea.” Rafael smiled. “I suppose an official WOOHP perimeter check couldn’t hurt. Do what you like; just be careful in the parlor, there are some problems in the house’s foundation over there and I don’t want to put any of you at risk in my own home. Now if you’ll excuse me, I believe-” He almost said something until Bernard walked over and mimed the opening of a champagne bottle before shaking his head. “We’re out of champagne already? Alright, I’ll see about arranging more. And uh, by the way, the team will be running a security check around the building.” Bernard simply nodded at this as he escorted his master away.

The team smiled; this was the perfect opportunity to find out if Rafael really was on their side or not. “We’ll have to split up to cover more ground. Clover and Blaine; you two search the east wing. Alex and Brittany; west wing. I’ll search the main house. Anyone finds anything out of the ordinary, call it in.” With that order, everyone quickly split up and started to search the building, changing into their spy-suits once clear of the partygoers.

Everything looked to be on the up-and-up… until Sam reached the door to the parlor, which she saw Rafael approach. Quickly she hid behind the corner and watched as he glanced around before opening the door and slipping through it. “Well, that’s an interesting place to keep champagne.” Quickly, she opened her X-Powder and called the others. “I think I found something; meet me at the parlor.” With that, she quickly closed her com-unit and moved to the door, only to find it locked.

With no choice, she was forced to pull a bobby pin from her head and use it to try to pick the lock. She was just moving it into place when she heard something from within; something that sounded like shifting stone. Her curiosity mounting, she twisted the lock open with minimal difficulty just as the others arrived. Once inside, they saw there was no one inside so Sam looked around to try and find the source of that sound from earlier.

Blaine meanwhile gave two strong stomps on the floor, finding it solid as a rock. “Foundation risks, huh?” he smirked sarcastically. “I think there’s more going on here than meets the eye.”

“Then let’s try and get a better look at things.” Alex smiled, slipping in her M-Ray contacts. Once they were on, she glanced around the room and saw something near the fireplace. “Whoa. There’s a secret room over there through that wall.”

“Suspicious much.” Clover smiled. “How do we get in?”

“Look around for a switch or something; it’ll probably be small and hard to miss,” Sam ordered.

Only for Brittany to see something out the window. “Which is more than I can say for that. Look.” Everyone looked out the windows and saw something insane out in the desert hills; a man in black on a sheer black horse whose coat seemed to glow in the evening light, riding away toward town.

Sam could only think of one thing to say; “This mission just got a lot more complicated.”


End file.
